Is It Overthinking… or Just Thinking Differently?

A Lesson from Coaching in Real Time

From Jason Jones, CEC, PCC

During a recent Business Development Mondays session, I was coaching a brilliant participant through shaping a curiosity statement—an ultra-brief, one or two sentence pitch to evoke interest in their work.

As we explored different framings, I noticed myself growing frustrated. Things weren’t landing quickly. Resistance was present. I impulsively said, “I think you’re overthinking this.”

Later, reflecting, I realized I hadn’t empowered them—I had labeled them. I subtly framed their thoughtful process as a defect. Not intentionally, but it happened. And that’s a kind of influence too—the kind that stalls, rather than supports, growth.

Everyday Microaggressions We Don’t Realize

When we say someone is overthinking, too slow, or too much, what we’re often really expressing is:

“I don’t like how this feels, and I want it to stop.”

These remarks, even when casually said, are microaggressions. They frame natural patterns of thinking as problems to fix.

The impact often jars, creating confusion and defensiveness. When we label someone—“you walk too fast,” “you think too much”—we’re not actually describing them. We’re describing how we feel about the dynamic.

Most of us don’t intend harm. It’s patterned behavior. But once we notice it, we can stop using language that positions difference as defect.

Thoughtfulness ≠ Resistance

(And Pacing ≠ Progress)

In that moment, I failed to meet the participant where they were. I wanted them to match my pace.

When they didn’t, impatience crept in. But deep, thoughtful processing often looks like slowness. It feels inefficient—but it brings discernment and nuance that can’t be rushed.

We confuse speed with success. But rigid attachment to pace erodes adaptability. True leadership asks us to slow down, detach from urgency, and trust that slower progress isn’t lesser progress. Often, what we call “resistance” is actually deeper emergence.

Strengths Are Polar, Not Perfect

Every strength carries its opposite:

• Speed creates momentum—and misalignment.

• Depth creates insight—and inertia.

• Empathy builds connection—and emotional depletion.

These aren’t flaws. They’re polarities.

Leadership isn’t judging one side—it’s learning to dance skillfully with both.

The Remedy: Give Up the Right to Label

When we feel the urge to judge someone’s way of thinking or pacing, the real practice is giving up the right to label:

Too slow. Too intense. Too analytical.

What if none of these are flaws?

Instead of “Marsha talks too much,” we might say, “Marsha loves to talk.”

Instead of “He overthinks everything,” we might say, “He thinks deeply.”

When we stop labeling difference as defect, something shifts:

We start to see the intelligence inside each style.

We see where strength lives—and where it creates friction—not as a problem, but a polarity to navigate.